The Perpetual Online Garage Sale

eBay and Craigslist have revolutionized the art of buying other people's old junk.

There is a local online classifieds website here that is far more popular than Craigslist, so I stick to that. I buy and sell things here and there. I can usually find a great deal on something if I am patient enough, but it requires reading through a lot of crappy ads.

Online "for sale" ads trigger plenty of my pet peeves. Unless it is something really, REALLY good, (which it never is), I will not buy something from someone if their ad contains certain annoyances.

Misspellings: Typos are acceptable, but misspelled works are absolutely not. One especially annoying misspelling is wrought iron. I have seen ROD iron, ROT iron, wrod, wrot, rott, rodd, diigjfwoiesg---seriously. It's wrought. Use Google if you can't think of how to spell a word correctly.

Poor English: "I have here for sell a 1990 something or other in mint condition". Really? What else do you "have here" for "sell"? It's "sale", idiot. You obviously don't speak properly so you can keep your hillbilly junk to yourself.

Stupid phrases: "This won't last!" (Yes, it will). "Must sell now!" (You'll sell it when you sell it). "Rare! Hard to find!" (It's freaking old so it's not in stores anymore). "Pictures don't do it justice!" (Get a better camera, or, Photoshop that pic so it doesn't show every little scrape, dent, and scratch.

Improperly applied adjectives: "Shabby chic". (This means it's old and has paint peeling off). "Vintage". (This means it's old without any paint peeling off). "Antique". (This means it's really freaking old, paint is peeling off, and there is a piece, such as a leg or something, missing). "Rustic". (You left it out in the rain and now it's starting to corrode). "Like new". (There's no such thing as "like new". Either it's new, or it's not. Figure it out).

Original price included: "Costs $250 new at Ikea!" or "Going for $80 each on eBay!". No. I don't care how much it costs or how much you paid for it. I am going to check anyway and it just makes you look like a skeezer when you price something at $250 because that is what it is going for on Amazon, when I can find the same item at Walmart.com for $180.

The IKEA factor: No one cares that you bought your junk at IKEA. IKEA sucks. If it was so great, why are you getting rid of it in the first place??? Quit mentioning it.

Items priced too high: Listing your old, who knows what has been done on it, filthy couch, for $50 cheaper than one could buy it new, is not going to sell your couch. This stuff is used. Mark the prices down appropriately if you want to sell anything.

Bundling items into "lots": If I am looking for something, and I find it, but you have it for sale in a "lot" with a bunch of other, unrelated items, it's just annoying. Quit being so lazy and price the stuff out individually, or, quit trying to get rid of crap no one else in the entire world is going to buy, by lumping it in with one great item.

Giving the reason why they are getting rid of it: "Works fine, I just got a better one for my nephew so I need to get rid of it before the dog makes it his new home". No. I don't care why you are getting rid of it and there is no need to read your stupid tale.

No picture, blurry picture, or stock picture: Really? Get off your ass and take a real pic. No picture means one of two things: Either you are super lazy, or the thing is looks so bad that no one would even think of buying it. We'll see it when we come to look at it. (Well, I won't...).

Filth, on the item or in the background: If you are selling a toddler bed and don't bother to make it up, it's surrounded by toys and junk and, oh, is that a dirty diaper(??), no one is coming to your filthy house to even look at it. How about dusting off the dresser, taking the half full ashtray off of it, cleaning the mirror and for God's sake, make sure you are NOT reflected in the mirror in your stained up sports bra, before you snap a pic. Ew!

The bottom line here, peopleofwalmart, is THINK about what you are posting and the manner in which it is presented before you do it. Have a friend help you if you are illiterate or too ignorant to do it right. And, CLEAN your crap off before you sell it, or, if you want, go ahead and put "smells like cat piss" right there in the ad. There is honor to "truth in advertising".